Thursday, August 30, 2007

i am small but not insignificant :)

Blessings of the Day: I had enjoyable time with my ex-colleagues this evening. It had been nearly 2 years since I met up with them. Glad that I went for the gathering. Most are all happily attached. Think going to get lots of bombs very soon keke...
I was reflecting the passage from Proverbs 30:24 - 28 and I thought I should jot it down because during this quiet time the Lord had finally answered my question.

Recently I've been under tremendous stress at work and studies. I had felt so overwhelmed by the pile of things I needed to do. I also felt helpless at times because I needed to handle so many clients at one go. Whenever I hit boiling point of stress, my temper got very nasty and I would start to scold anyone who came near me. I also felt depressed and I could go very negative that people around me will become negative after talking to me. Unfortunately negative people and negative me didn't turn out positive all the time.

My family had also been through tough times too. My mom fell down and injured her knee cap when she was doing housework. My dad too fell and sprained his foot when he was at the shipyard. Both were making frequent visitations to the hospital for checkup and physiotherapy sessions. My youngest sister was falling sick due to O level preparation stress. Lately my brother also just discovered he had weak heart and irregular heartbeat and was hospitalized a few times. Just when all were slowly recovering, my 2nd sister was constantly began to fall sick too. We nearly freaked out and got very scared that she might have blood disorder or even worse. Futher blood test results showed that she actually lacked of iron. Thank God it was nothing too serious. All these that were happening around me really put on tremedous stress on me. One could feel so helpless to see all your family members falling sick one by one and that is nothing you could do to help them.

These were the moments I began to ask God or rather questioned him - "How come I am so stupid? How come I am so slow? How come I can never finish all these work? Why am I feeling so tired all the time? Why am I so useless? Why I can't do this? Why I can't do that? Why are my friends doing better than me? Why??? Why can't I get smarter? Why our works can never please all our clients? How come he/she is critizing me this way???"

God sensed my frustrations. But I couldn't feel it then. I felt God was not answering my questions at all. I prayed about it. I shared with Keegan. But still I felt so alone at times. I felt that no one understood where I was coming from. I felt small :(

Despite that, I tried to pray and persistently do my qt, God's small advices each day enabled me to pass through each day's challenges. Some days ended well some days were not as I grumbled and procastinate from time to time. But I was thankful for when Weiggy shared how God had been her Enabler who constantly lift her up to handle each challenges in her work, studies and family. It wasn't easy when she shared and but despite that she was faithful that God would carry her through. That is what I called - Walking By Faith. And she did.

After so many months of crying out - finally tonight, God showed me this verse that woke me up from my negative thoughts. I felt happy and guilty at the same time. Happy that the Lord loves me for who I am and guilty for not putting my faith and trust in the Lord. But again I am thankful that guilty did not last long as God never intend to put the element of guilt in us and He only want us to depend on him even more.

Four things on earth are small, yet they are extremely wise:
Ants are creatures of little strength, yet they store up their food in the summer;
coneys are creatures of little power, yet they make their home in the crags;
locusts have no king, yet they advance together in ranks;
a lizard can be caught with the hand, yet it is found in kings' palaces.

- Proverbs 30: 24 - 28

I feel like an ant - of little strength and power but yet these creatures in their own weakness were able to create something magnificient and powerful. I am reminded that God showcases His wisdom and greatness even through the smallest things. All these while, being feeling small and insignificant, God chose to use the nature life to teach me and guide me.

No wonder so many ants crawling in front of me. :P These ants are to serve a reminder to me that God gave them ability to survive till today. One thing after reading this passage, my heart lightened up and was assured that God never see me that way. He knows what are my weaknesses and He chose to let it happen. I was thankful for sure because feeling so lousy about myself all these while, God had freed me from all these negative thoughts. Is ok to be slow. Is ok to be weak. Because only through God, his strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor 12.9)

The next time you feel small and insignificant - look at an ant again and marvelled at how small & weak but yet at the same time it is still surviving.

Saturday, August 25, 2007


Blessings of the DAY: Studies getting busier... Work piling up like Bukit Timah... May God help me and multiply time so that I can cope better. In times of busy moments like this, I prayed that I will be more close to God even more. Hang ON PY!

A good & classic movie is something that I like and I will buy the DVD or VCD for myself. Good movies I had enjoyed are like -

Forest Gump

Lord of the Rings - All 3 movies

Il Mare

Minority Report

Howl's Moving Castle

Spirited Away

plus a few more ....

adding to the latest fav movies collection: Jay Zhou - Secret 不能說的秘密

Not going to tell the whole story here.. have to admit though, I watched the underground manner. But it was really an excellent movie so I am going to buy the DVD once is out.

I am always attracted to anyone who can play the black and white keysboard. When my sister told me Jay was the one who composed these piano pieces, I am even more impressed with his music talents. The female lead is also another key reason I like to watch. Girls who are gentle and play the piano are always so attractive *awww*

“What's the melody you played the first day we met?” asked Lun,
“That's my secret.” Yu whispered in his ear.

Another key element I liked about the movie is the twist and the unexpected ending.

Whether this movie has a sad or happy ending - it leaves the decision to the audience.

the last one.. piano duet!


Saturday, August 18, 2007

Jamie Oliver Show

Blessings of the Day: Hurray!!! Jamie now on Youtube!!! i can watch as many times as I want!!!

Jamie Oliver BBQ Podcast Seabass, Sweet Corn

As a special summer treat Jamie bake Seabass cooked in the ground with a fantastic roasted sweet corn recipe on the side.

The depressed baker

Blessings of the Day: I managed to find some food in the end i had some left over chicken wings for on...

Sigh. Baking Bug had bitten me. Off i went to bake my favourite honey and banana bread. All went well intially till i notice something not quite right....

After baking... it does not resembled the beautiful caramelized banana honey bread that Jamie had made in his book. Mine look like pale pebbles. Worst.. I think pebbles look better than mine.

One word - Depressed. I am very depressed now. I didn't had any proper dinner and had to head for my class at 7pm. I thought the warm bread would serve nicely with a cup of milk and butter for supper. At 1.30am - the bread did not look promising at all.

After a taste test, i decided to ... discard everything before my family discouraged me from baking. Or worst, ban me from the kitchen. (that feeling is as good as taking the computer away from me) When my dad learnt i was going to bake bread - he PLEADED me not to do it. Come to think of it, my father never plead me. That shows how lousy my bread making skills are.

But i LOVE baking! Maybe is just the oven temperature (is getting old... 12 years old oven). Maybe i need that $400 kitchen baking mixer from LG.

I been buying things like
1) SpringForm Pan for making good cakes
2) Piping bag to make their beautiful icings on cupcakes or birthday intials for friends
3) Measuring Cup (save me from all those headache)
4) Parchment Paper for the cakes and cookies

but none of them help to aid my baking
1) The black forest cake baking was a disaster
2) The Meringue was a failure too
3) Now my honey and banana bread failed me too...

I am a depressed baker.... depressed depressed depressed....

I am determine to become a better baker. After driving lessons - next a baking lesson.

Before then, i will still want to perfect the best honey and banana bread in the world. Ok not in the world but in my home...

*stomach growl*


The aftermath..

Dad: Py, where is ur bread?

Py (mumbling): Eat finish..

Dad: Huh? You eat everything by urself?

Py (mumbling): yaya

Dad (obviously don't believe what i had just said) turned to ask the youngest: JY, did you eat Py's bread last night?

JY: No lar.. sleeping already.....

Dad (laugh loudly): HAHAHA Like real! She must had threw it away! HAHAHAHA

PY (run away) trying hard not to laugh...

Friday, August 03, 2007

Self Discovery

Blessings of the Day: EXCITING! This semester is exciting. Looking forward tonight class :D wheeeeeee

You Are 50% Left Brained, 50% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Oh no!!!! Why am i so balanced? Can't you give me abit more for left brain. Actually quite ok ... maybe very well trained by own job - 50% for my login programming 50% for my designing and creative skills.

How nice....

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

Must always remind myself God is my 1st Love!