Saturday, September 20, 2008

Be Still My Soul, God will undertake

Blessings of the Day: Had a good time catching up with Kg. Yes with him cos we haven been out to relax and chat for a very long time, i can't help by noticing that. A hectic year for me and him - in filled with good n bad with the latter seem more often. I hope he sleep well tonight after all the laughing we went thru :)

I can't help but to realize how life seem becoming abit more gloomy these days. It is constantly filled with lots of anxiety and fear. Sometime I have to ask myself time to time - why am i doing this? I felt alone sometimes and I desperately had cried to God many times asking Him what is His plan for me. Sometime I thought I might get the answer and sometime I actually miss the opportunity. Tell me God, had I been searching the wrong things at the wrong place?

I needed peace. I desperately needed the inner peace that God can give me to help me to understand. I read the bible diligently and hoping I can get something out of it. For the past few weeks, my emotions were running abit up and down like a roller coaster. I just don't know why. PMS? Can't be that long right? Sometimes when things got so heavy for me, i desperately just go to the park and run. Even when running, my head was still heavy with thoughts filling with the 5Ws in my head.

When things get tougher, do people really get tougher to go through the tougher process? Is it necessary? I had tried and by doing so by my own strength is impossible at all. I get even more tired in the process. Sometime I yearn to go to God and tell him " God, I give up... can You just spare me...."

I re-read my blog entries from 2005 onwards. Some articles amazed me, some do not, some seem childish to me, some was like - GOSH! Why ON EARTH I WRITE THIS KIND OF THING? Some reminded me of God's faithful love for me. Some were painful reminders of what I had done. One thing that is evident was the growth of my faith. I could see the faith in me growing very slowly but steadily all these years. Sometime I wondered how much but when I looked back 3 years, I could clearly see when I had cried out to God, God did hear me. He hears me in fact all the time.

It is a sweet assurance I got for spending hours re-reading my blog. No doubt, fears and anxiety still exists in my life right now even as I typed these words. At least I also learned that from past fears, God had nudge me closer to Him.

[as py stop typing, she was reminded 2 years ago in Anew, kwa kwa sang a beautiful song "be still my soul". She went to search the song and played and started to google for the lyrics]

Be still, my soul,
The Lord is on your side.
Bear patiently, the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to your God, to order and provide.
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul,
Your best your heavenly friend,
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul,
Your God will undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake.
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul,
The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he lived below.

Be still, my soul,
Be still, my soul,
Be still.

Thank you Father.

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