Yesterday around evening, I almost hit the 100 degree stress boiling point again. I wanted very much to break down and cry cos my studies and work were too overwhealming for me. My mind was 100% filled up. It was filling out with so much things in my head. No matter how hard I tried, the moment i closed my eyes, many images of to-do list pop up right before me! That was so scary! Is worst than having a nightmare. Seriously... i thought i was going to faint from stress.
These happen during I was having dinner with my classmate. My friend just rattle on "Did you know .. ? Did you do ... ? Have you ...? What is ...? When is...?"
Thousands of questions poured out infront of me. I told her blankly. No i have no idea these things need to be done.
I open up my laptop and checked my school email - more of these appear "Please do.... Please report.... Please register.... Please take note.... Please....."
As if I was not feeling stressful enough, I went to check my work email.... Hoping i can get some peace from my work. Nope! I open up my email.. I saw these "Have you... Can you.... Please kindly... What is.... ???????????
I stare at my the laptop screen. What on earth was i doing? My head began to pound very hard. It was so painful... then my friend asked me, "Hey.. eat dinner lar.. don't check already"...
Immediately, I cried. I mean i cried in my heart ... I quietly eat my dinner while my friend still rattle on. Suddenly I wish I was alone.
With a tired heart, during the whole dinner I didn't really pay attention to what my friend was saying. I was in my own world. I started to wonder loud, how come I got so much things on hand. I was feeling stressful and very stretched. I needed a break. but how when? Then suddenly my friend asked me,
"Katherine, that a nice wallpaper... what Anew?" I looked at her blankly before i replied "oh ! Anew is an event in my church. Is praise and worship mini concert kind of thing. Then i designed this logo for our church t-shirt. " "Nice... use photoshop?" "Yup"
~ Ok the thing is... when i saw the design i did - the words "transformation and living sarcrifice" came to me. .. The 2 words are suddenly like light bulb just shine infront of me overpowering the rest of things around it. I realized i need to be transformed and renewed by God. I was too caught up in my own world of business. I didn't spend time with God.
In my own world again, I started to chat with God... really literally chatting in my heart. I was like a dual core processor - listening in and out of my friend (not really listening seriously) and talking to God.
The Holy spirit just keep rattling 2 words FOCUS GOD in my head.
After awhile, my mind begin to clear.. blood pressure go down also.. not so high as before.
I clicked on to my digital Post it notes on my desktop. On the first to-do thing of my priority list?
"Pray to God"
Shall do this everything i hit boiling point again. Amen
2 comments:
Hi sister, did u notice ur entry is in the format that is typical of a psalm in the book of Psalms?
Like how a psalmist expresses his stress/ frustrations/ feers/ feelings and thoughts, you did the same. But almost always, the psalmist ends off either with praise/ thanksgiving/ or looking to God. That is beautiful ain't it?
I know life is tough...me too not doing well in terms of school work. This is tough week at work as well. I have no time...no energy..just keep flooding my head. But, the God we worship is suppose to be greater than all these limitations...Focus on God. Good tip!
dear pei ying,
thanks for sharing your stressors.. sounds really like a stressful period but really glad you chose to anchor on Christ. Trust that He'll lead you thr. dun give up all these juggling. me also having a hard time.. we can all go work in a circus.. (heheee.. juggler)
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